


Second Draft

by firesonic152



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Feelsy sex, Kind of a fix-it, M/M, Past Unhealthy Relationship, Reincarnation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-18
Updated: 2018-03-18
Packaged: 2019-04-04 04:24:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14012127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/firesonic152/pseuds/firesonic152
Summary: Gabriel has had this story inside him for as long as he can remember. It came to him in dreams - intense, vivid dreams that left him breathless and shaking every morning with nothing but a faint sense of loss to go on. It wasn't until he started trying to put these dreams into words that the pieces began falling into place.And then one day, the man from his story asked to meet him.





	1. Chapter 1

_"Gabriel's heart drops as he searches blindly through the smoke, eyes stinging, his pulse, thrashing behind his ears, manic in the dead stillness. He throws off his gloves to feel through the rubble with his hands, numb to steel and concrete scraping his skin._

_He has to find Jack._

_He stubs his toe and stumbles, setting off a fire of irrational rage in his belly as he continues to fumble around. Fuck, he doesn't have_ time _for falling on his face, he has to find-_

_'Jack!' His voice comes out as a croak, the relief in his tone scarred from the fight._

_Sure enough, that blond head of hair, dusty with chalky particles, turns. Gabriel will make fun of him for it later, but goddamn, if those bright sunshine locks weren't some kind of heaven-sent lighthouse._

_'Gabe,' Jack rasps._

_As Gabriel approaches, Jack's features fade in from the heavy smoke"_

"Wait no," Gabriel hissed to himself.

He leaned forward in his chair as he tapped the backspace key on his laptop. He had already used the word "smoke" a few paragraphs ago, he couldn't use it again so soon! Maybe he could just substitute in "fog"? But that had connotations with the natural world while "smoke" better conveyed the firebombed war zone setting. He read back over the last few paragraphs he had written, trying to decide if he could fudge the re-used word.

Unfortunately, an even more egregious error was staring him right in the face.

"Goddammit!" He had written the wrong names for his characters. _Again_. If he had to listen to a lecture from his editor _one more time_ about being able to remember the names of his own characters-

Grumbling to himself, he hit CTRL F and began the (really not very) lengthy process of correcting "Jack" to "John" and "Gabriel" to "Michael." He wasn't sure how this kept happening, but somehow when he got in the flow of writing, he had a tendency to make mistakes like that.

But hey, that was what an editor was for, right? Gabriel didn't just _become_ a popular online novelist on his own. He didn't have the organization to plan ahead for scheduled chapter uploads at particularly decisive plot points, or to even so much as make outlines. His editor – bless her – had to beat the structure into him every week and with her help, he had been managing to successfully write this monster of a story for a solid year.

It honestly was a miracle, Gabriel mused, taking off his glasses to rub at his tired eyes.

He'd had this story inside him for as long as he could remember. It came to him in dreams - intense, vivid dreams that left him breathless and shaking every morning with nothing but a faint sense of loss to go on. It had always felt so distant, like mist scurrying from his fingertips every time he tried to reach out and grasp it.

But then – still completely aimless and not at all passionate about his boring history major – he tried taking a creative writing class his senior year of college. He didn't even have to think about it the moment he started typing. The words just flowed right from his subconscious onto the screen. When his fingers finally stopped moving, he was almost startled to see the mass of text in front of him.

He had to change a few things of course, such as the names of the main characters. He couldn't exactly name the protagonist after himself, so he went with Michael. When he handed it in, his professor said changing "Jack" to a similarly biblical name might feel more cohesive, so he chose John.

But overall, this was it. This was _his story_ , the one that felt like it had been crawling around in his veins since he was born, and he could finally pour it out into something tangible. Even more than that, according to his professor and classmates, it was _good_.

He went online and posted what he had to an original fiction site. He fell into bed, shaky with excitement, and woke up from his first restful sleep in ages to a flood of positive comments asking for another chapter.

Thus, "Overwatch" by Gabriel Reyes, pen name Reaper, became an overnight hit.

It followed the story of Michael, a young man from LA who joined the military in order to fight in the burgeoning war between humans and machines. He ends up being recruited for a secret "soldier enhancement program," where he befriends a guy from Indiana named John. The two manage to make it through the dangerous experiments and finally become part of a strike team: Overwatch, a last-ditch effort to save humanity.

Gabriel didn't have a clear picture of where he was going with this story. He just wrote it as it came to him, so it wasn’t like he was working towards a particular ending. This was quite frustrating for his editor, but seemed to be working out anyway.

There was only one thing he was sure of at this point in terms of the direction of the plot, but he would call it more of a gut instinct than a true plan. It was pretty undeniable: Michael and John had chemistry. There was _no_ way they weren't going to become romantically involved at some point or other.

Gabriel had been trying to make it happen at opportune moments, but whenever he attempted to stray from the natural flow of the story it felt _wrong_. He was waiting for it to happen officially just as much as the fans were, but he was pretty sure they were getting close. He just had to finish up this scene where John nearly dies following a disastrous ambush by the omnics during an op. After that, after that...

Gabriel leaned back in his seat and dragged a hand down his face, frustrated. He'd been obsessing over this scene for two days now, _rewriting_ it even, which was very unusual for him. Usually he could just get the text out there and then send it off for editing without much stress.

He'd never really experienced this kind of writer's block before. Sure, there had been days before when he couldn't get in the mood to write, but all it took was sleeping it off and waiting for his dreams to catch up with him. It wasn't so much a block as fatigue.

But this- this was a block. A wall he'd been slamming against for two days but it wouldn't budge. He just didn't know where to go from here and he couldn't seem to force it, no matter how hard he tried. It was made all the more frustrating because he _knew_ the romantic tension was finally going to pay off soon and he wanted his characters to get there, but they didn't seem to be cooperating.

He put his glasses back on and groaned when he saw the clock. It was well past 4 AM. He should just call it a night and try again tomorrow. Or maybe he'd take a break and hope for this block to go away like it was supposed to.

He saved his document and took a moment to check his messages online before he turned his computer off. He had a ton of private messages, as usual. Most were inane things asking for retweets and the like, but some were really heartfelt. He liked responding to those, no matter how many he got. There was nothing more amazing than knowing his story was bringing joy to other people.

As he looked through, responding to messages as he went, he found a strange one hiding somewhere in the middle. It was from a user called soldier76. Gabriel was impressed; it was clearly a reference to the soldier ID numbers of his main characters, Michael being 24 and John being 76. Getting a highly sought-after "canon" username like soldier76 must have been difficult. This person had to be one of his original fans! Excited, Gabriel clicked on the message.

 

 **soldier76:** hey. this is gonna sound weird but who the hell are you

 

Gabriel frowned. Well that was cryptic and not at all the kind of message he was expecting, but morbid curiosity begged him to dig into it.

 

 **betaReaper:** I'm an author? What do you mean?

 

Another minute passed. Typing bubbles popped up on the screen.

 

 **soldier76:** i mean who are you and how do you know me

 **betaReaper:** I don't know. Who are _you_?

 **soldier76:** look it's kind of hard to explain but

 **soldier76:** i don't know maybe i'm being paranoid

 **betaReaper:** You're not doing a very good job explaining yourself

 **soldier76:** it's your story. where did you get the idea for it?

 

That was ostensibly a more normal question, but something about this whole conversation was making Gabriel uneasy.

 

 **betaReaper:** I don't know, where do all writers get their ideas? My brain I guess.

 

Typing bubbles popped up, then disappeared. This happened two or three more times.

 

 **soldier76:** do you have dreams?

 

Gabriel stared at the message until his vision blurred. He'd never told anyone about his dreams. He'd mentioned in passing to his friends that he did tend to have vivid ones, but he'd certainly never, ever revealed where his story had come from. His fingers shook as he typed back

 

 **betaReaper:** What's your name?

 

The response was immediate.

 

 **soldier76:** jack

 

No way.

No way.

_No way._

When he didn't reply, soldier76 began typing again.

 

 **soldier76:** are you... gabriel?

 

Gabriel had never revealed his real name to his fans before. He always went by his pen-name Reaper.

 

 **betaReaper:** Who the fuck are you

 **soldier76:** who the fuck are _you_!

 **betaReaper:** Look this is starting to get creepy

 **soldier76:** you're telling me

 **soldier76:** you live in la right?

 **betaReaper:** Scratch that, REALLY creepy. How did you know that

 **soldier76:** i don't know just... i think we should meet.

 

This was one of the kids from his writing class pulling a prank, right? It had to be. No one else could have known all this. The more he thought about it, the more that explanation made sense. The people in his class knew his name, knew where he lived, had read the original version of his text with the original character names, and would have known details like the soldier ID number before anyone else.

It had to be one of them. The prank probably involved luring him somewhere and giving him some jump-scare or trying to trick him into believing something. Well fine, he could play this game.

 

 **betaReaper:** Okay. Let's meet then. Where did you have in mind?

 

The mysterious soldier76 sent him the name of an innocuous café and they decided on a time. Gabriel finally shut off his computer and crawled under his covers, closing his eyes. There was a reasonable explanation for all this. It was just one of his classmates being a prick trying to scare him.

But then... how did this "Jack" person know about his dreams?

* * *

Gabriel slept poorly that night. He managed to drop off, but he kept waking in fits and starts until he gave up at around 9 AM. It was like every time he neared deep sleep, his brain jumped awake again. Maybe it was trying to keep him from dreaming. Or maybe he was just nervous. He wandered his apartment in a sleepy daze, trying to get himself to wake up by the time he had to go meet his probably-just-a-classmate stalker.

He ended up getting to the café an hour early because he couldn't stand waiting around any longer. He was getting antsy. He chose a seat by the window and ordered the strongest espresso the place had, drowned in as much cream and sugar as possible, and hunkered down.

Fifteen minutes into his wait, with a spike of anxiety he realized he had no idea what this stranger looked like. How would they know to sit together?

Oh right. It was his former classmate, Gabriel reminded himself. Yeah. They knew each other. Right. Of course.

For some reason, he was still nervous.

Thirty minutes later, a man entered the café. Gabriel, who had been anxiously checking over every single new customer, reflexively looked up to see who it was. He couldn't see that well thanks to an inconveniently placed shelf, but he could make out the back of a blond head.

Blondie had broad shoulders and a muscular back. Gabriel figured there was no harm in checking him out a little, take the edge off this horrible waiting.

But then the man turned around and spotted him. Their eyes met. Gabriel bolted to his feet like he'd been struck by lightening.

The ambient chatter around them faded into static as they stared at each other. Gabriel barely noticed when the man began to approach, their gazes never shifting once from each other.

They must have looked completely nuts, standing a foot apart and just staring.

_Gabriel is 24 years old, sweating through his fatigues in the summer heat, but when they shake hands, Jack doesn't shrink from the clammy palms. His grip is firm and Gabriel laughs. Jack narrows his eyes, clearly taking offense. Gabriel pats him on the shoulder in casual reassurance._

_"Damn, you're one of those guys that puts your all into everything, aren't you?"_

_Jack shrugs the touch away, putting on a poker face. "I guess."_

_"Careful," Gabriel warns lightly, "if you keep breaking off pieces of yourself to give away like that, someday you'll have nothing left."_

Gabriel blinked and saw Jack's hand outstretched. He took it and Jack's grip in his was the same. Neither of them seemed to know what to say.

What _do_ you say the first time you meet someone that you already know?

"Gabriel," Jack said, testing the name.

Gabriel nodded slowly. "Jack?"

Jack nodded back. An unnecessary confirmation at this point. They both sat down, dazed, observing each other from across the table.

"It was you," Gabriel said, as much to himself as to Jack. He wasn't sure what he meant by it, but he knew it was true.

Jack ducked his head, an uncertain smile on the corners of his thin lips. "Yeah."

They lapsed once more into silence and Gabriel was struck all at once by how intimately he knew the details of Jack's face, the crooked angle of his nose, the cut of his jaw, the texture of the stubble under his cheekbones that always grew too fast for his razor to keep up with.

The face that he had been trying to describe in words for an entire year now.

"Broke it getting in a fist fight over a yogurt cup in high school," Gabriel said, gesturing at Jack's nose.

Jack's smile grew. "You wear that beanie because your ears are always cold."

Gabriel laughed, a buzzing, giddy feeling bubbling up in his chest. "Always."

They started guessing things faster, just calling out the random, personal, utterly domestic details of each other's lives. The fact that Jack was never without contacts because he was near-sighted as hell but hated glasses, that Gabriel couldn't stand Christmas music but loved karaoke.

"And you were on the track team until the old captain quit and the new one wouldn't let you listen to your music."

"And you wouldn't eat anything except ketchup and rice as a kid so now the smell of ketchup makes you sick."

They were both grinning ear-to-ear, helpless to it, leaning across the table almost comically as they listed things on and on.

"You had a huge crush on that Olympic athle-" Jack was saying but then Gabriel was kissing him and it was one of a million kisses that had come before.

They tilted their heads just right, knew just how they moved and fit together. There was none of the awkward fumbling and bumping around of a first kiss; it was years of learning each other, mapping out the intimate way their bodies clicked into place like puzzle pieces. Gabriel knew to hold Jack's neck, big hand bracing the back, knew it made him melt when he pressed his thumb at the base. Jack bit and tugged at Gabriel's lip, knew the fervor in it drove him wild.

And as they kissed, they remembered kissing before.

Jack pulled away, breathless, said in a rush, "The first time I kissed you-"

"You were chained to a hospital bed because you were too stubborn to die," Gabriel finished.

It was like they'd been waiting their whole lives for each other. Too long to waste time not kissing.

"Hey," Jack gasped when they were finally able to pry themselves apart, "you wanna get out of here?"

" _God_ yes."

Jack laughed as Gabriel grabbed his hand and together, they fled the café looking like a couple of giddy idiots.

It felt like no time had passed at all when they finally, finally tumbled into Gabriel's bed together, pulling at each other's clothes until they were naked and sucking bruises into whatever bare skin they could reach.

"Do you remember?" Jack asked breathlessly as he yanked Gabriel down on top of him, eyes wild and bright.

Gabriel groaned, rocking his hips into Jack. He burrowed his nose into Jack's neck, nipping at a beautifully blossoming mark. "Refresh my memory."

Jack shuddered, tugging Gabriel's head back up to kiss him, open-mouthed and dirty. He was laughing again when they parted, something helpless and lovely that left Gabriel _aching_ for want of him.

It had been so _long_...

"You kissed me," Jack said, cradling Gabriel's face in his hands. They couldn’t seem to look away from each other. "Fuck, I'd come so close to dying and we just couldn't wait anymore, I needed you inside me so bad-"

" _Jack_ ," Gabriel was grinding into him almost frantically, "shit..."

Jack tried to cut off a moan and ended up nearly biting through his lip. "Fuck- we couldn't- like this, fuck, just like this Gabe-" He wrapped one hand around their dicks, the other clutching at Gabriel's back.

_Jack is writhing under him, calling out his name in that smoke-sand voice, and Gabriel is dizzy with it. He can't resist pressing his palm into Jack's side, skirting the stitched-up bullet wound, and Jack arches with a shout._

_"Don't you ever pull that shit again," Gabriel hisses._

_Jack sobs as he comes and Gabriel doesn't give him a second to breathe before burying a finger inside him._

_"Gabe-" Jack's thighs squeeze and tremble around Gabriel's waist. "Gabe, please, Gabe-"_

_"We win this war together or not at all." Gabriel pushes in a second finger and thrusts them hard to punctuate the point. "Understand?"_

_Jack's nails scrape down Gabriel's back, leaving stinging, bloody trails in their wake, nodding feverishly. "Yes, fuck, fuck me,_ Gabe _."_

 _Gabriel bites the oozing black bruise on Jack's shoulder as he rams his cock inside and Jack throws his head back with a strangled cry, thighs clenching tight enough to leave marks of their own. The pain is blistering, makes their hearts beat in time, reminds them they're_ alive _._

_Jack is incoherent by the time his second orgasm hits, a tangle of oversensitive nerves as Gabriel only ruts into him harder, faster, making him choke on his own lungs, kicking and fighting for the life in his chest. When Gabriel comes inside him, it's like lightning the way it bursts and flares and sizzles out into endless static shocks wherever their skin touches. They cling to each other as they both come down, their ragged breathing deafening in the silence._

Gabriel dropped his head to Jack's chest, eyes squeezed shut as he waited for his fractured self to knit back together.

"Like that," Jack panted, his legs falling from where they had been hooked over Gabriel's hips as he melted into the sheets. His worn-out grin was downright debauched, with his puffy, kiss-swollen lips and the fucked-out haze in his eyes.

Gabriel managed a breathy chuckle. "Yeah. I think I remember now."

They rolled over onto their sides and Gabriel marveled at how neatly they fell into place, tangled up in each other in all the best ways.

Jack sighed happily and kissed Gabriel's throat. "I never even asked any of the questions I meant to."

Gabriel had to struggle for a solid minute before remembering that, really, they had only met for the first time that afternoon a maximum of two hours ago because Jack sent him some weird messages last night. "Oh yeah."

"Kind of moot now," Jack said. "Pretty sure I got my answers."

"Which are?"

"You write to remember." Jack let his head fall into the pillow and smiled something dazed and glowing as he traced Gabriel's face with his eyes. "That story you're writing - they're my memories too. Just, from your perspective instead of mine."

It certainly was strange, once Gabriel started thinking about it. "So we had like... past lives or something?" He frowned. "But if they're memories... They take place in the future though, don't they?"

Jack gave a halfhearted shrug with one shoulder. "I don't know. But..." He smoothed a hand over Gabriel's cheek. "We both remember, so if we're both going crazy at least it's together."

"There's that," Gabriel agreed.

Their hands found each other, braiding together seamlessly.

"I always knew there was a part of me I was missing," he confessed quietly. "I had dreams and I knew they were important, but I could only remember bits and pieces... But when I started writing, they just started taking shape in front of me."

Jack nodded. "Yeah. Mine are more, um... kinesthetic. Like, I'll be doing something and then it'll just hit me."

Gabriel smirked. "Like just now?"

Jack flushed but didn't shy away from it, the red a charming finish to his grin. "Yeah. Exactly like that." He kissed Gabriel's jaw, voice dropping to a more suggestive tone. "Help me remember more."

Well. Gabriel couldn't say no to that.

It took a long time to tire Jack out, but the second he had fallen asleep, Gabriel disentangled himself and sat at his desk. As much as he wanted to cuddle, there was a restless energy boiling under his skin with all of the new memories swirling around inside him. He had to write.

He put on his glasses and got to work. His fingers flew across the keyboard and as the story formed in front of him, he could see it. Normally, when he wrote, it was in a fog and he couldn't recall what he'd put down until he read over it later. But this time, everything was clear.

He could taste the acrid fear when Jack passed out in his arms, the burning exhaustion as he carried Jack to safety, heart pounding as he hovered over Jack's hospital bed, the overwhelming relief when Jack woke up and kissed him...

He wasn't sure how much time had passed when his hands finally stilled. He stared at his computer screen, a little in awe of himself. Arms wrapped around him from behind and he jumped, but then Jack's chin settled on his shoulder and he relaxed.

"Nice nap?" he asked.

"Would've been better if you stayed in bed," Jack said, a pout clearly audible in his voice.

"Sorry." Gabriel tilted his head to bump Jack affectionately. "Just... needed to get it all out there."

Jack leaned forward to read it. He whistled softly. "Wow. You even got into all the sordid details."

Gabriel blushed and scrolled away from the NSFW section. "I won't be posting that part, obviously."

Jack hummed thoughtfully. "I don't know. I wouldn't mind everyone knowing what we got up to."

Gabriel shoved him. "Oh my god _no_."

Jack laughed and shoved him back. "What, it's not like your readers _know_ this is an autobiography."

"It makes it weird when you put it that way!"

"Shut up and come back to bed." Jack tugged on his arm. "Come _on_."

"It's like, dinner time," Gabriel pointed out as he stood up and turned to face Jack.

Jack stared at him for a moment, considering. Then he asked abruptly, "Are those reading glasses?"

"Huh?" Gabriel fumbled with the glasses on his face. "I need them to see the shit on my screen, shut up." He started to fold them, but Jack put a hand on his wrist.

"They look good." He had a gleam in his eye. "Really good."

Gabriel smacked his hand away. "Food, Jack. I'm hungry."

"I'm hungry too," Jack said, making a point of running his tongue over his bottom lip.

Gabriel rolled his eyes and flicked him in the forehead. " _Later_. Let me buy you dinner first."

Jack rubbed at his forehead petulantly, but then a thoughtful look crossed over his face. "Put them back on."

"This isn't going anywhere until after we eat," Gabriel warned, even as he obeyed and replaced his glasses.

Jack tilted his head as he stared, clearly turning something over in his head.

Gabriel waved a hand in front of his face after a long moment of silence. "Hey-"

Jack startled and smiled nervously. "Ah... Sorry, I was just thinking. They make you look older."

"Flattery will get you nowhere," Gabriel said sarcastically.

Jack shook his head emphatically. "No, they look good. How do I put it... They look unfamiliar. Like as soon as I saw your face I remembered it, but I don't remember the glasses and..." Flustered, he trailed off.

Gabriel shrugged. "I probably didn't wear them before. It's no big deal."

Jack didn't seem to be convinced, but he didn't press the subject. "Yeah."

"So are we getting take-out and cuddling or what?"

* * *

The next week was... really fun. It felt like Gabriel had been sitting in a dark room his whole life and then one day Jack flipped on the light switch and asked him what the hell he was doing. He hadn't even known what he was missing until now.

Jack was insatiable. The ratio of sex to other activities they did together was a little insane, but Gabriel couldn't feel bad about it. Normally, he would have liked to get to know his partner before jumping into incredible sex marathons, but... he already knew Jack.

They couldn't keep their hands off each other. The first night, at least, Jack had to go home for clothing and such. But it was all over the moment he showed up on Gabriel's doorstep with a duffel bag of necessities.

He'd dumped it in the living room and immediately dragged Gabriel to the couch for the most enthusiastic blowjob Gabriel had ever received in his life. They eventually collapsed into bed and passed out, only for Gabriel to inevitably be woken up by Jack sinking onto his dick.

And whenever Jack _didn't_ happen to have his mouth full, he couldn't stop talking. As he'd said before, his memories seemed to be triggered kinesthetically and as soon as skin met skin, the floodgates opened. He'd ramble about everything, from watching Gabriel crush an omnic's skull to the time they couldn't wait to get home and fucked in the dropship lavatory. Gabriel remembered as he listened, flickers of their past lighting up in his head, and whenever he had a spare second, he wrote.

Despite how little time he actually spent at his computer now, he was flying through chapters at an unprecedented speed. His editor was pretty pissed about his blatant use of the incorrect character names, but she forgave him for the sheer amount of new content.

At least he remembered to cut out the... risqué parts. Those he kept to himself - to remind Jack later, of course.

"You abandoned me again," Jack whined from the bedroom doorway. The sympathetic effect was ruined by his naturally gravelly voice, which had only been further amplified by a post-screaming rasp.

Gabriel laughed and shut his laptop. "Sorry, sorry. But I do have a job, you know."

Jack screwed up his expression into a semblance of a pout and spun Gabriel's chair to face him. "Your job is to fuck me."

"Subtle seduction technique, Morrison," Gabriel drawled.

Jack flashed a smile. "Hey, it's been working so far."

Gabriel rolled his eyes. "Don't you have anything better to do?" he asked, even as his hands came up to settle on Jack's naked hips.

"You," Jack said without a hint of shame.

Gabriel groaned. "You're horrible."

"The worst," Jack agreed, leaning in to nip at Gabriel's bruised neck

Pretty soon they were kissing again, and Jack wasted no time crawling into Gabriel's lap, pawing blindly at Gabriel's boxers.

"Off," he breathed.

"You're in the way," Gabriel complained, pushing the roaming hands away to take out his cock himself.

Jack shut him up with another open-mouthed kiss, humming happily as he lifted himself up and then sank down onto Gabriel's dick. It was a little obscene, how easy it was, but neither of them were complaining. They rocked together lazily, Gabriel breaking the kiss to mouth at the marks scattered around Jack's ample chest.

"Fuck, do you remember this?" Jack panted, working himself faster. "Fucking in your office..."

_Gabriel smirks and palms Jack's ass, pressing a finger to feel where their bodies connect, slipping just the tip in beside his cock._

_Jack gasps and squirms. "Gabe-"_

_"So loose," Gabriel murmurs. "Couldn't wait any longer, could you?"_

_Jack nods a little frantically. "Missed you."_

_Gabriel raises an eyebrow and removes his finger to get both hands solidly around Jack's waist. "And how long did it take to get you_ this _ready for me?" He punctuates the question with a sharp thrust._

 _Jack moans and meets him halfway. "Got... got tired of my hand. Had to use a... a toy." It's like he keeps losing his train of thought, so focused on the feeling of Gabriel moving inside him. He braces himself more firmly and cries out when his ass meets Gabriel's hips. "_ Fuck _."_

 _Gabriel has to bite at Jack's pec to keep himself from shouting something embarrassing. "Shit, Jackie-" His nails dig into Jack's skin. "I was- was gone for just a few_ days _-"_

_"Too long." Jack burrows his nose into Gabriel's neck. "Too long."_

_Neither of them acknowledge the elephant in the room: the reason for Gabriel's trip. Gabriel will bring it up later. Right now-_

_"I've got you" is all the warning he gives Jack before heaving him up onto his desk. Jack shrieks a laugh and hooks his ankles behind Gabriel's back._

_"Fuck me," Jack moans, "fuck me, fuck me-"_

_Gabriel kisses him, forceful and dirty, fucking into him hard enough to make the solid desk creak ominously. Jack finds Gabriel's hand and threads their fingers together. When they come, Jack's grip squeezes tight enough to hurt._

_They're both completely out of breath and Gabriel can't help the dumb grin on his face when he looks at Jack, utterly disheveled and blissed out on top of his desk._

_He makes a decision, right then. Nothing will ever keep them apart. Not even stupid meetings with stupid politicians about Overwatch's future._

_He brings Jack's hand to his lips, kissing the knuckles. "I've been thinking," he murmurs, "your finger's missing something."_

_Jack flushes a little darker as he grins. "What, like a ring?"_

_Gabriel leans down to mouth at his jaw. "Exactly."_

_Jack yanks him back up and kisses him._

Jack shuddered and went limp as Gabriel held him tight to his chest.

"Fuck." Jack giggled helplessly. "Can't believe you proposed to me like that."

"I can't believe you didn't answer me," Gabriel grumbled.

Jack huffed a laugh. "Do you need one? It was always going to be yes."

Gabriel massaged his thumb into Jack's shoulder thoughtfully in tight little circles. "That so?"

"Mm-hm." Jack nuzzled into Gabriel's neck. "I just know it."

"Guess it makes sense," Gabriel said. "For us to be this connected... We must have gotten married."

Something about the words on his tongue didn't feel quite right, but he brushed it off. It was probably just the weird disconnect between this past life and their current reality.

And besides, he couldn't deny that the idea of marrying Jack sounded... _amazing_.

"What do you think?" Jack asked, voice slurring.

Gabriel kissed the top of his head. "I think you sound like you need to go back to bed," he replied, purposefully avoiding the topic.

Jack's face scrunched up. "You just wanna write more without me."

"I'll only be five minutes."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel that I should note, because this was originally written on twitter without the use of things like italics, I had to come up with a different way to mark the memories; that is, the memories are in the present tense while the actual narrative is in the past tense. From Gabriel's perspective, the memories are very starkly contrasted with his reality so I could easily separate them with italics, but Jack's memories are more fluid with reality so the past/present tense switching became pretty important to the narrative and I can't really separate it out without reworking the entire story.
> 
> Anyway, just a heads-up, keep a look out for tense changes. They're on purpose!

Another week went by so fast it made Jack's head spin. He had always known that there was something to the little flashes of odd memories he used to get, the sensation of an arm around his waist or lips against the back of his neck. But he could never have predicted Gabriel.

He had never been this happy before in his life. There was something manic about it, a bone-deep need to _be_ with Gabriel, in every sense of the word, to _remember_ with him. He was probably a little insane, but he couldn't find it in himself to feel guilty when it was getting him sex _this_ good.

There were a few small details that nagged at him distantly, like not being able to remember Gabriel looking any older, and not knowing where all these memories were headed. But he couldn't be bothered to think about it. Nothing was going to bring him down now.

The memories were coming so quickly, too quickly to really process. It felt like Jack was truly reliving everything in a reel of smaller scenes, one after the other at a breakneck pace.

Things were happening in Overwatch. Apparently after the war ended, he had been made a... a strike commander, he thought was the term. He could still taste the relief in Gabriel's kisses when that memory came. Grateful to be out of the spotlight, pleased to still be working together. There was so much hope in the way they touched each other that night, whispering promises to never let anything get between them; they were stronger together, and as long as they stuck together, nothing could hurt them.

Jack couldn't be sure how much time was passing in the memories, but he had the odd sense that the gaps between their remembered sexual encounters was getting larger and larger. He wasn't sure what it meant, but he hadn't given it much thought.

Admittedly, they were beginning to get a bit out of sync. Since Jack's memories were so closely related to movement and muscle memory, he remembered things quickly but in less detail with lots of gaps. Gabriel, with his writing, was able to fill in all those gaps but took longer. So Jack really had no idea why his memories were starting to get so disconnected from each other, but Gabriel would be able to figure it out eventually and he wasn't going to linger on it. He had better things to do, like kiss the living daylights out of his boyfriend.

Anyway, from what he could gather, it seemed he and Gabriel had become pretty important people in these memories and were just busy. All the more reason to make up for lost time, then.

This was the mindset Jack had when Gabriel finally came home on a Friday afternoon from his bi-weekly in-person meeting with his editor. The moment he walked in, Jack practically tackled him, kicking the door shut with his foot as they kissed.

"God damn," Gabriel gasped, "missed me that bad?"

Jack grinned. "Always." He bit at Gabriel's lip and murmured, "Hey, take me right here."

Gabriel groaned as he threw his bag aside to get both his arms around Jack. "My poor rug."

"I don't mind the hardwood," Jack countered. He cupped Gabriel teasingly through his pants and added, " _Really_ don't mind."

"The worst," Gabriel reaffirmed, nudging Jack back enough to pull at his shirt, "you are the worst."

Without much more fanfare, Jack found himself naked and pushed to his knees, cheek pressed to the cold floor as Gabriel slid into him from behind. He moaned and rocked his ass back, wanting it deeper immediately, but Gabriel laughed and held onto his hips to make him still.

For a moment, it was oddly... normal. Just Gabriel pushing inside of him, slowly starting to roll into him until Jack whined to _please_ go faster. Gabriel kissed his shoulder and obliged, finally fucking into him in earnest.

But then Jack wasn't sure what happened - Gabriel's fingernails dug too deep right when he gave a particularly hard thrust, Jack's knees scraped the floor with a bit of a sting, bit his own lip a little too hard - and suddenly his heart is pounding wildly in his chest.

He's struggling, spitting curses as Gabriel holds his wrists down with one hand, the other holding onto his waist with a grip that hurts. Jack doesn't have any leverage like this, with Gabriel is bearing down on him, and the adrenaline pumping through him makes it hard to think.

His skin stings and protests where Gabriel bites his neck. He can taste iron, and he can't tell if it's from his busted lip or his bloodied nose. He arches as Gabriel slams into him, at once trying to get away and trying to get _more_.

Gabriel strikes his palm against the purpling bruise on Jack's side and Jack jolts, a cry catching in his throat. He sinks his teeth into his torn lip, swallowing the noise down where it lodges in his airway. He hopes he chokes on it.

Gabriel pulls out just before he comes, spraying all over Jack's back. Jack flinches, feeling slimy and cold as Gabriel's weight on top of him finally disappears. He gets his feet under him and whirls around, teeth bared and eyes dangerously bright like something feral.

"Not even gonna get me off, you sick son of a bitch?" he hisses.

Gabriel wipes away the blood leaking from his forehead, his glare only slightly hampered by his blooming black eye. "Fuck off and do it yourself."

Jack wants to punch him again. He punches the wall instead, reopening the scrapes on his knuckles. "Why are you still here then?"

Gabriel's expression simmers into something darker, deadlier. "I was thinking the same thing."

 

Jack's eyes flew open, heart bruising where it thrummed against his ribcage. Gabriel was still moving inside him and all at once everything was too much, it felt like a knife twisting slowly in his gut.

"Gabe-" He gagged around the knot in his throat. "Gabe, _stop_."

Gabriel halted, uncertainty coming off him in waves. "Are you okay?"

Jack nodded, trying to get his voice to sound like he wasn't being strangled. "Just- just pulled a muscle, I..."

Gabriel pulled out of him, watching awkwardly as Jack reoriented himself to a sitting position.

Jack's stomach was twisting into knots. He chanced a look at Gabriel's face and his lingering anger surged with frightening intensity. It was a boiling, writhing thing that made him want to _hurt_ as much as _he_ had been hurt, flooding the back of his throat with acid, fist clenching-

These were not his feelings.

He transferred the messy bubbling fury into a feigned wince of pain, rubbing cautiously at his neck. "Yeah I definitely pulled something here..."

"Shit, sorry."

Gabriel reached out, probably to help him up or offer comfort, but something in Jack's brain screamed _don't let him touch you_ and he flinched, reflexively putting a hand up to block it.

"It hurts," Jack said hastily. "I'd rather not aggravate it. Sorry."

Gabriel nodded, understanding but with a hint of trepidation. Jack could feel those eyes on him as he wobbled to his feet and something about it unnerved him. Gabriel clearly hadn't remembered like he had, but how long would it take him to find out?

Everything seemed nauseatingly out of focus as Jack grabbed his clothes.

"I have a heating pad," Gabriel offered.

Damn him for being so helpful. Jack shook his head, trying to make the movement seem ginger to account for his supposed pain. "It's fine. Actually..." He hesitated, unsure of how to not make this sound suspicious. "I think I should go home." He scrambled for an excuse. "I uh- my neighbors called earlier. They have a bit of a family emergency and need someone to take care of their cat."

He could see that Gabriel didn't _really_ believe him, but thankfully he wasn't called out on it.

"I can drive you home," Gabriel said.

"That's okay. You just got back."

Gabriel looked like he was going to argue for a moment, but he let it go. "Okay. Text me when you get home."

"Yeah." Jack ducked his head, avoiding making eye contact. "See you later." He grabbed his coat off the hook and left abruptly. It was only when he got outside the building that he realized he'd left his duffle bag of clothes and such behind in his hurry.

But he had his phone, keys, and wallet in his coat pockets and he couldn't bring himself to go back in there, so home he went.

* * *

Jack can't see.

There's blood in his eyes, hot smoke stinging in his nose, his throat, his heart is bruising in his chest with how fast it's beating and it _hurts_. He thinks he screams Gabriel's name but he can't tell, everything is too loud and too quiet all at once.

He tries to cry out again but he chokes on it, gagging, he can't breathe he can't breathe-

 

Jack bolted upright, hyperventilating, one hand around his throat. He still couldn't see. He fumbled for his bedside lamp, only convinced he was back in his bed when he could see it.

It was 5 in the morning, according to his phone. He swallowed thickly, rubbing at his sore throat as he untangled his legs from his blanket and stumbled out of bed. The specifics of the dream were already fading, but the panic lingered.

He made himself some coffee with shaking hands. He hadn't had a single dream since the day he met Gabriel, but it seemed they had come back. Though, they'd never been like _this_ before. They'd always been bittersweet, happy with a faint sense of loss. Not... nightmares.

He didn't know exactly what happened, but evidently, something had gone horribly wrong.

He sipped at his coffee, forcing himself to take deep breaths in between. The bitterness of it helped ground him in the present, remind him where he was, what he was doing.

He didn't like this. He didn't like _feeling_ like this. There was a hot stone of anger sitting at the bottom of his stomach that didn't belong to him and he couldn't do anything about it.

This wasn't him. It was whoever he had been in these memories, the feelings of this other "Jack," but knowing that didn't help.

He wished once again that Gabriel were here, wanted to be held and kissed until this nightmare went away, but that would only make it worse.

He didn't want to remember anymore. He thought this had all been building to some grand revelation, a happy ending where he and Gabriel could feel fulfilled and content, but obviously this wasn't the case. There was only misery ahead of them and Jack wanted no part of it.

Cutting off Gabriel would be like cutting off a limb, but he couldn't see any other way out. They both deserved better than to be chained to a predetermined tragedy like this. And if Jack could cut things off before Gabriel started to remember the nightmares, then all the better.

But... Gabriel's memories worked differently, didn't they? As long as he kept writing...

Jack had to actively keep himself from grinding his teeth. He hated how angry that thought made him. He wasn't supposed to be angry, he was supposed to be concerned.

He downed the last of his coffee and set the mug aside before he could do something stupid, like throw it against a wall. _Fuck_. This was all Gabriel's fault, if Gabriel hadn't started his fucking writing then Jack would have never found him and they'd never have started this-

 _Deep breaths, Jack,_ he had to remind himself. _Deep breaths_. He had to be rational about this. He couldn't trust his feelings anymore. What even _was_ there between him and Gabriel, anyway? Just a bunch of weird flashbacks, some gut instincts? Nothing _tangible_.

The more he thought about it, the stupider it all seemed. He didn't owe Gabriel anything. He was better off on his own, they didn't need each other, honestly what was the fucking point if they were just going to keep hurting each other, why bother fighting for it-

 _Stop_. He dropped his head into his hands. He needed to stop thinking. He just wanted to go back to sleep, but he was sure to get bombarded with more night terrors.

God. He missed Gabriel already.

* * *

He only had to wait about 3 more hours before his phone rang. He felt sick when he read Gabriel's name on the screen. He let it go to voicemail, but when it rang again, he picked up.

"Sorry, was... was just getting out of bed," he said clumsily.

"Did I wake you up?" Gabriel asked.

God, just hearing Gabriel's voice over the phone opened up the gaping hole in Jack's chest all over again. He clutched it a little tighter in his fingers and replied, "No, I was getting up anyway."

"Okay. Good."

There was an awkward moment of silence where neither knew what to say.

"How's the cat?" Gabriel finally asked.

"What?"

"You're neighbor's cat."

"Oh." Jack had forgotten about that lie. He ran his hand through his hair and said, "Fine. Hungry, probably. I should go feed her soon."

"Right. I'll let you go soon, I just..." Gabriel hesitated. "Jack, are you okay?"

"Of course." Jack answered too quickly and could only hope it wasn't obvious. "Why?"

"Last night you seemed..." Gabriel sighed. "I'd feel better if I could see you."

Fuck, Jack couldn't do this. "Me too," he admitted quietly.

They shouldn't. It was only going to get worse. But he couldn't help the emptiness in his core catching and pulling on Gabriel's voice, tearing wider bit by bit.

"I'll come over later," he promised.

"Okay." Gabriel sounded a little happier. "I, uh." He stopped. "Uh, see you."

Jack hung up somehow feeling even worse. He should just tell Gabriel the truth. But in doing so, that would probably trigger Gabriel to remember and... Honestly, for them to fall apart like they had, there must have been a damn good reason that he would really rather not know.

He crawled back into bed. He had no intentions of going back to sleep, but he didn't know what else to do with himself. He wasn't ready to face Gabriel again yet.

Out of morbid curiosity, he checked the voicemail Gabriel left when he didn't pick up earlier.

_"Hey Jackie, uh, just a little worried about you, please call me back."_

Jack bit his lip, dry eyes stinging embarrassingly. He shifted a little on his back and replayed the message.

_"Hey Jackie, uh..."_

He pressed his phone a little closer to his ear, eyes falling shut.

_"...just a little worried about you..."_

His other hand slid down between his legs, tentative, chest aching as he touched himself with shaking fingers. It had only been less than twenty-four hours since they'd last seen each other, but between all the nightmares, it felt like years.

_"...please call me-"_

He hit replay again before the message could finish. There was something slimy about this, he thought as he drew his cock out, but his sense of time was gone and it had been years since Gabriel had touched him and he just wants his husband to hold him again.

He turns his face into his pillow as he squeezes himself, mouth shuddering around an inhale. He can't even smell Gabriel in his sheets anymore. He rolls onto his side, drawing his blanket closer to his body, imagining Gabriel pressed up against his back, arms around him.

The back of his throat burns as his hand moves faster, impatient to get to the end of this fantasy, made all the more painful by the fact that it had been his reality only a few years ago.

A moan froths up in his mouth but he covers it with his left hand, the cool metal of his ring bumping up against his lips. He lets himself pretend for a moment that it's Gabriel's hand, that he can feel a kiss on the back of his neck, warm breath over his ear.

The problem is that he knows how it's supposed to feel and the fantasy falls apart. He's alone and desperate to feel _anything_ in this mind-numbing isolation.

 

He spilled over his fingers with a choked gasp. His ear hurt from how forcefully he had been pressing his phone against it. The voicemail had long since ended and he tossed it to the side, groping for tissues from the bedside table.

 _It hasn't been that long,_ he reminded himself as he hastily cleaned up and curled back under his blanket. It had been less than a full day. It was just his brain getting confused.

He reached for his phone again and tapped Gabriel's number.

Gabriel picked up immediately. "Jack?"

Jack chewed on his lip for a moment, stalling his inevitable question.

"Jack?"

"Actually, can you come over?" he asked quietly. "Like- now?"

He could hear the smile in Gabriel's voice. "Yeah. Yeah, I'll be right there."

There was rustling in the background, presumably as Gabriel yanked on his jacket without putting the phone down.

"Thanks," Jack said.

It was the end of the conversation but neither of them were hanging up. Finally, Jack heard a door open and shut on the other end.

"Sorry, need my hands to drive," Gabriel said. "I gotta hang up now. But I'll be right there."

"Okay."

There was another pause before the call ended, a space where both of them nearly said "love you."

After hanging up, Jack listened to the voicemail one more time.

* * *

By the time Gabriel rang the doorbell, Jack had calmed considerably. It was going to be okay. They weren't actually estranged, like his stupid brain kept insisting. Just twenty-four hours ago, they were happy and in love and they hadn't actually fought or anything since then.

If Jack could just get over himself, it was going to be okay.

He opened the door and relief flooded him the second he laid eyes on Gabriel. It really felt like it had been months since they'd last seen each other.

"Jack." Gabriel smiled, a little weakly. He looked awkward, standing there in the doorway, fiddling with his hands like he wasn't sure what to do with them.

Then Jack remembered that the last time Gabriel tried to touch him, he'd flinched. _Ah._

Jack took his hand lightly and pulled him inside his apartment. He hesitated, then settled on giving Gabriel a kiss on the cheek. Gabriel visibly relaxed, but his smile dropped off.

"So, is everything okay?" he asked. "You ran out so quickly yesterday..."

"Yeah," Jack lied. "My neck feels better." He gave Gabriel's hand a squeeze. "I just, um... woke up missing you."

Gabriel breathed a sigh of relief and hugged Jack gingerly, probably avoiding accidentally exacerbating Jack's fake injury. "Me too."

Well, Jack could use that.

"Do you mind if we not do anything today? Don't wanna hurt myself again." He tacked a self-deprecating chuckle onto the end, to make the excuse seem like it really wasn't what he wanted but that they had no choice.

Gabriel kissed his forehead. "Of course."

They ended up in a pile on the couch with some documentary on the TV in the background. Jack started with his shoulder pressed up against Gabriel's, but he slowly slid farther and farther down until his head was in Gabriel's lap, his knees curled up to fit on the couch.

He dozed off like that into a blessedly dreamless state. It was all okay. He could put all these memories behind him, as long as he was just careful.

Movement dragged him back to consciousness. He blinked awake, and Gabriel patted his head apologetically.

"I gotta get up sweetheart," Gabriel said softly. "I'll be right back."

Jack nodded slowly, lifting himself up long enough for Gabriel to stand, then immediately tipping back over to curl up again. Gabriel laughed, apparently rummaging through his backpack judging by the sounds.

When Gabriel returned, Jack refused to get up again so he had to awkwardly fit himself into the other corner of the couch. Jack wiggled closer until his cheek was against Gabriel's thigh.

"Goddammit," Gabriel scolded, running a hand through Jack's hair. "Stop being cute."

Jack hummed, eyes flickering back open to find Gabriel awkwardly positioning his computer on his remaining lap space.

"What's so important?" Jack asked, fighting back a yawn.

Gabriel hit the space bar impatiently until the screen lit up. "Just gonna get some more writing done."

Jack's blood turned to ice in his veins. He sat up, suddenly not at all tired, and grabbed Gabriel's typing hand. "Or we could do something more fun," he suggested, trying to go for playful instead of desperate. He wasn't sure it worked.

Gabriel gave Jack's hand a squeeze before pulling away. "I don't have much more to do for today. I just need to finish this section, it'll take like an hour tops."

Not good enough. Jack leaned in, shutting the laptop with one hand while he cupped Gabriel's neck with the other.

He shoved down the nausea foaming up in his stomach and kissed Gabriel's neck. "Come on. You can do that later." Or never. Never would be good.

Gabriel frowned, nudging at Jack's shoulder gingerly. "It really won't take that long, just go back to sleep for a bit."

"But-"

"And weren't _you_ the one who didn't want to 'do anything' in the first place?"

Jack huffed and nipped a little lower at the base of Gabriel's neck. "I changed my mind."

"Jack, stop." Gabriel looked like he was mulling over something. "You're acting strange."

" _You're_ acting strange," Jack retorted, "wanting to do work instead of messing around."

Gabriel squinted at Jack. "So is your neck not bothering you anymore?"

Jack tensed, fingers curling in the sleeve of Gabriel's t-shirt. "It'll be fine if we're just careful."

"Jack..." Gabriel's tone took on something concerned and pitying that made Jack's skin crawl. "What are you not telling me?"

"Nothing."

"Something happened yesterday."

" _Nothing_ happened."

"Then why don't you..." Gabriel trailed off as his eyes lit up, giving Jack a startled look. "Did you remember something?"

Well fuck. "What gave you that idea?" Jack asked through gritted teeth, pulling back to sit next to Gabriel instead of on top of him, arms crossed.

He could tell Gabriel was searching his face out of the corner of his eye. He stubbornly refused to make eye contact.

"You didn't want me to touch you," Gabriel finally said softly. "And now you don't want me to write... Jack, what did you remember?"

"Nothing!" Jack stood up abruptly and marched over to the kitchen, scowling as he wrenched the fridge open. He didn't want anything, but sitting so close to Gabriel was only irritating the writhing sick coil in his gut.

Gabriel followed behind him anyway. "Jack, whatever it is, I'm sure..."

Jack slammed the fridge shut. "I said it's _nothing_."

Gabriel crossed his arms, the crinkle between his eyebrows only getting more and more intense. "Jack. Come on, don't do this."

"I'm not doing anything," Jack hissed.

"Jack-"

"Stop saying my name like that," Jack snapped.

"Like what?"

"Like-" He started flexing his fingers, trying to keep himself from punching the wall. "Like I'm a kid throwing a temper tantrum!"

Gabriel raised an eyebrow, as if to say, _you said it, not me_.

God, it _pissed_ Jack off. Everything was getting to him all of a sudden, the smallest sound of Gabriel breathing or a tiny twitch of one of the muscles in Gabriel's face compressing painfully in his stomach until he felt like he was going to either throw up or explode.

"Something is very obviously wrong," Gabriel said slowly, like Jack wouldn't understand, and where the fuck did he get off with a condescending attitude like that? "If it has to do with the memories, with our relationship, then I think I need to know if we're gonna make this work."

Distantly, Jack agreed. Gabriel was probably going to find out anyway, so they might as well talk it out for the best results. But there's rage weaving into his veins and he can't stop it. Whenever they try to talk anymore, it always comes down to fists and bruising sex.

It's all they know anymore. They're soldiers before anything else. It's what they were bred to be, little lab rats made to kill and destroy. They never learned how to build and protect. And now they're learning that the hard way as everything crumbles around them.

"I'm not doing this with you," Jack says- said. His knuckles were white, fingernails bruising the inside of his palm. "Get out of my house."

Gabriel's eyes grew wide, something breaking in his expression as his jaw went slack. "What?"

Jack pointed at the door. "I'm done talking to you. Go."

Gabriel's expression was an open wound as he searched Jack's face. "We need to talk about this."

Jack's reply was to wrench his door open. All he could think about was Gabriel finding out, Gabriel's face turning dark with buried anger, the inevitable explosion of violence...

"Out," Jack repeated coldly.

For a moment, he imagined this escalating. Gabriel gritting his teeth and digging his heels in as their voices grew louder until someone throws the first punch and suddenly he can smell blood followed by the sickening crunch of bone-

But he opened his eyes and Gabriel was packing his computer into his backpack. He slung it over one shoulder and gave Jack one last, long look before walking out without another word.

Jack shut the door and went back to the couch, sinking into the cushions with shaking legs. He wiped at his nose without thinking about it, but when he looked over his hand there was no blood to be wiped away. His cheeks grew hot, stinging behind his eyes, but again when he moved to rub away his tears, he found they did not exist.

He tipped over onto his side, staring dismally at the blank TV screen. His muscles felt sore all over, like he'd been straining himself this whole time without realizing it. Like he was exhausted from a fight.

He shut his eyes and when he remembered Gabriel's face, he couldn't tell if the expression he had seen was one of anger or despair.

* * *

For the next three days, Jack dreamed.

In his dreams he is always blind, though he can't tell why. Perhaps it's the wound splitting open his face, or the thick smoke biting at his lungs.

Regardless, it's dark as he stumbles through a maze of fractured concrete and sharp steel bars. He slices his hands and knees open again and again with every mound of rubble he crawls over, but he can't stop moving.

It occurs to him that he would move faster if he stood, but when he tries, his leg screams and bends unnaturally under his weight. He puts a hand out to stop his fall, and a thin shard of something that could be glass goes right through his palm.

He cries out yet again for Gabriel, not from the pain, but from the crushing desperate hope for a reason to continue on pretending it doesn't hurt. The second he allows himself to acknowledge his injuries is the moment he'll die from them.

So he crawls and screams for Gabriel like his life depends on it, because it does.

But he never finds a body. His strength drains out from his wounds in thick globs of blood until he's fighting just to keep his head up.

Something cold touches the feverish edges of the open gash across his nose.

 

Jack woke up.

He hadn't heard from Gabriel since kicking him out of his apartment, and his dreams had only gotten worse with each passing day. He ran a finger down his face, shuddering at the phantom pain there. That, at least, he could confirm as a product of his imagination.

What he couldn't wave away was the ever-present anxiety, the little voice in his brain that kept insisting Gabriel was somehow dead.

Gabriel was not dead, Jack kept reminding himself. His dreams weren't his current reality. If Gabriel had somehow died, he would surely have heard.

But then again, it wasn't like he was legally related to Gabriel in any way, they had merely dated for 2 weeks. His phone number wasn't cataloged anywhere important. There was no reason to inform him if something happened to Gabriel.

In any case, he had been keeping his television on the news constantly and almost religiously reading through the obituaries in the newspaper.

He should just call Gabriel. It was very simple. Just to confirm. But what if Gabriel didn't want to talk to him, and didn't pick up?

In the event of that happening, Jack could only see himself spiraling even moreso than he already was. At least this level of crazy he could manage. Kind of.

Fuck. He was really, truly going insane, wasn't he?

But then the next night, his dream changed. It went along as normal, dragging himself through a hellscape of smoke and rubble until he couldn't move anymore.

Except this time, just as he loses the strength to go on, he reaches out and his fingers brush his pistol.

His hand closes around the handle and for the first time, he opens his eyes. He blinks several times, fighting the blur of blood and tears and heat against his eyeballs. Finally, his gaze lands on a dark shape in front of him.

Gabriel stares up at him with a glassy, plastic expression. He's utterly still. A thick black substance oozes ominously from the single bullet hole in his forehead. Before Jack can touch him, he crumbles away like black sand. Smoke breathes from Jack's pistol accusingly.

 

Jack awoke to his cell phone ringing. He grabbed it and hit the receive call button, but didn't give a word of greeting. If he opened his mouth, he feared he would be sick all over his bed.

Gabriel's voice on the other end of the line was clipped. "We need to talk."

Jack's flood of relief at hearing Gabriel's voice was quickly stifled by the foreboding nature of the message. He swallowed dryly and asked, "What?"

"We need to talk," Gabriel repeated. "In person. I-" His calm facade finally broke with a shaky intake of breath.

He cleared his throat and tried again, voice just a bit smaller. "Sorry. Can you come over?"

Jack honest to god felt like he was going to vomit the moment he stood up. "Yeah," he said anyway.

"Door's unlocked. Just come in when you get here."

"Okay."

Jack waited a moment to see if Gabriel had anything to add. The silence stretched out a few seconds.

He ended the call with no good-bye and began the task of getting himself up and dressed, ideally without seeing the contents – or lack thereof – of his stomach.

He wondered if he should have argued with Gabriel, or at the very least insisted on meeting at his own place instead. But then he thought about the actual process of arguing with Gabriel and it only made him feel all the more nauseated, so he gave it up.

It wasn't until he was standing in front of Gabriel's door with one hand on the doorknob that he realized why he had been called over.

Gabriel must have remembered.

His knuckles went white around the cool metal handle. He took a breath through his nose, afraid of releasing the bile in his mouth.

He turned the handle and went inside.

The apartment was dark. The door to the bedroom was cracked open, soft lamplight spilling out onto the floor. Jack shuffled over to push the door open.

Gabriel, who had been hunched over a mess of papers on his desk scribbling furiously, startled and straightened up to look over.

"Jack." Gabriel's voice was steady, but his eyes were round and disarmingly vulnerable without his eyebrows bearing down on them like a weight.

He slowly turned a red pen around in his fingers until it was horizontal and methodically replaced the cap before setting it aside. He removed his glasses and set them next to the pen. He gathered the sprawl of papers together into a semblance of a pile and stood, then turned to approach Jack in the doorway.

"I can't fix it." The admission fell from his mouth like dribbles of black poison, eyes begging Jack for an answer. The papers wrinkled in his grip.

Jack stared at him. "What?"

The creases in the papers grew sharper. "I can't fix it," Gabriel whispered.

A loose page in the middle of the pile slipped from his hands and floated to the ground. Jack reflexively bent to pick it up, and Gabriel didn't move to stop him.

If it had once been a sheet with legible writing, it was no longer. Black angular shapes barely visible as the base of the page indicated it had once been a printout of a piece of writing, but the vast majority of it had been scribbled out erratically in red ink. Sloppy handwriting in the same red ink filled the margins and gutters of the paper, notes that had been similarly crossed out and replaced by even more cramped handwriting, until the entire paper had essentially become a clumsily filled-in block of red.

Merely trying to convince his brain that these lines had once been writing threatened Jack with a horrible headache. He adjusted his grip and as the light shifted on the page, he realized the marks had been made so strongly that the indents thinned the paper into translucency.

He dared to look up again at Gabriel's face and found it twisting with some kind of primal distress.

"I've been trying to edit this thing," Gabriel said. His voice remained quiet, unnervingly stable despite the torment in his face. "But I can't make it right."

Jack's heart was filling up in his throat, pulsing in his ears as he struggled to breathe around it.

Gabriel's fingers gripped too tight and a rip opened up at the bottom of the sheets. A tremor finally cracked apart his words as he said, "I _don't want to be like this_ , Jack."

Jack's lips thinned into a trembling line as he struggled to get words around the tangle of lungs and heartstrings knotted like overgrown vines in his chest.

"I can't fix it, Jack," Gabriel repeated. There was something heartbreaking about how calm his quiet plea was, like he genuinely believed Jack had the answer, like he still had hope this was something that _could_ be fixed, if only Jack would tell him what to do.

But it was hopeless. Nothing could be done about a story that had already been written for them. As Jack's silence stretched, this realization finally seemed to come over Gabriel. He squeezed his eyes shut and took a shaking breath. For a moment, Jack thought he was going to cry.

But then, Gabriel's fingers relaxed around the edges of the paper. He turned the stack upside down so the fraying edge was up, readjusted his hands on either side of the small rip, and tore the whole thing straight down the middle. He laid one half neatly over the other, and ripped it in two again. He did this again and again until there were too many little square scraps of paper to hold and they began escaping his fingers, fluttering to the ground like jagged flat snowflakes.

"Enough," Gabriel said. Jack looked back up at him from the paper and was startled to see cold determination in the stark shape of his eyebrows, furrowed and dark, giving the glint of light in his eyes a steel edge. "I'm not doing this anymore."

Jack expected those words to trigger something in him - the finality of it was so like their previous crumbling relationship - but nothing happened. He was still right here, in this room with Gabriel. The mild surprise of that pulled at the knot in his throat.

Gabriel let the rest of the scraps fall, collecting around his feet as he stepped forward. They were nearly chest-to-chest now, and Jack realized he was still holding the single remaining page up between them like a wall.

Jack shut his eyes and waited for the snap of violence, the phantom crack of a bone and blood running down his face. It didn't come. He dared to open his eyes and there was Gabriel, ink on his fingertips and surrounded by paper. He was still here, in this room.

He waited for the red ink to turn into dripping blood, for the paper to turn into piles of ash. When it didn't change, he flicked his gaze up to meet Gabriel's.

He was still here.

He looked back down at the page in his hands. It was so flimsy and thin from the pressure of the pen that he could see his fingertips through it on the other side. He took a breath and the pull of the air tugged at his knotted lungs until they loosened.

He tore the paper in two.

It was so easy, too. There was no hesitation in his movements and the page seemed to glide apart, each half falling away and there was Gabriel on the other side waiting for him.

Jack didn't bother looking to see where they fell. Gabriel reached out for him and he reached back, meeting somewhere in the middle in a desperate embrace. Jack burrowed his nose in Gabriel's neck, breath hitching at the absence of gun smoke.

They held each other for a long time in silence, Jack content to savor Gabriel's hands against his back, solid and real.

"I'm not doing it," Gabriel finally said softly. "They're just words. They're just words."

Something between a laugh and a hiccup bubbled out of Jack's mouth. "More than words Gabe, it's a script."

"Not anymore." Gabriel's tone was firm. He held Jack a little tighter. "I'm not following it anymore. I refuse."

"We can't change it," Jack whispered. "You said so yourself."

Jack could feel Gabriel nodding his agreement. "We might not be able to change it, but that doesn't mean we have to follow it."

Could they really do that? Just decide to ignore fate?

Jack pulled his head back to speak more, but the moment he could see Gabriel's face, he couldn't help kissing him. It was tentative, careful. They didn't quite fit together, noses getting in the way. They were clumsy and their teeth clacked together. When they parted, Jack realized he had never kissed Gabriel before. He had in his memories, but it had never truly been _him_ in the moment.

He didn't realize he was grinning until Gabriel poked his cheek and huffed, "What's got you so happy?"

"Our first kiss," Jack said, before cupping Gabriel's cheeks and kissing him again. It was just as clumsy as before, made all the worse by the fact that neither of them could seem to stop smiling, but that only made it better.

It was no longer a performance, rehearsed to the point of perfection. There was no one watching, there was no one directing. It was just them.

They paused a moment to breathe, foreheads touching. "I'm serious Jack," Gabriel said between small gasps. "Everything that happened- I'm not doing it again. But..." His hand dropped from Jack's back to twine their fingers together. "It's on both of us. If we're gonna make this work, it's gotta be a two-way street."

Jack hummed. "Turn this script into a warning."

"Exactly." Gabriel smiled, but it was a bit nervous, twitching at the corner of his lips. "That means no lying to me when you're upset. That's been our problem from the start, communication. On both ends."

"That, and international politics," Jack added.

"Yeah. But we probably won't have to worry about that."

They fell silent for a moment.

"Do you think..." Jack hesitated. "I mean- do you think that's what this was supposed to be anyway? Another chance to fix our mistakes?"

That made Gabriel laugh. "If so, we really suck at reading signs, huh?"

There was a flash of something- a dusty old impulse to snap back a well-placed jab.

Jack ignored it in favor of kissing Gabriel again.

They eventually stumbled back into Gabriel's bed. Everything was awkward and fumbling. Their heads knocked together, Jack got his legs tangled in his pants trying to take them off, Gabriel managed to slam his funny bone painfully into the headboard.

They couldn't even make it all the way, both too giddy to be touching and exploring each other for the first time. They ended up clasped together on their sides, Jack struggling to rut their dicks together while Gabriel's arm fell asleep under his head.

It was messy and too hot and they both came too quickly but all Jack wanted to do was kiss Gabriel stupid anyway, so it didn't even matter. Their mouths met and they finally managed to get a good rhythm going as they learned how to fit just right. Eventually they rolled over, Gabriel bearing down on him as they continued to kiss. When they finally broke apart, Jack's smile was wet as he gasped, "I love you."

For the first time, he could hear his own voice.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, this fic was originally a thread I did on twitter that was adapted by request. You can find me and a bunch of other threads I did @firesonic152. Also, if you like my writing, [consider supporting me with a ko-fi!](https://ko-fi.com/A2214IAS)


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